April 2010

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Seven new Serie A club names unveiled

LEGOLAND CITY-The new names to be formally adopted on 2nd May by the 7 clubs of Italian-Lego origin in the current Serie A division were today confirmed by the Legoland Football Association. The move to rename the clubs was the brainchild of under-fire LFA president Mr Fifa, who last year confirmed his intention to weed out the overtly Italian-Lego cultural links in Legoland football.
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Cornered Giant Killers gun down Lego-Galacticos

GREENTOWN-With their backs truly up against the wall, Greentown Athletic gave themselves a final life-line in their desperate Serie A battle for survival with a shock win this afternoon over a star-studded Legoland FC team at the Athletic Ground. The minnows, who are nicknamed the Giant Killers for the frequency at which they have beaten the two 2 Old Rule clubs over the years, did it again and now go into the final round of Serie A games next Saturday with an infinitesimal glimmer of hope.
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Legoland City promoted to Serie A

LEGOLAND CITY-There were dramatic scenes at the Lira Arena today as Legoland City's 16-year Serie A wait came to an end with the side earning promotion to the top flight for the first time following a 2-1 win over Galaxy. Fans of The Capital invaded the pitch when the final whistle blew and celebrations are expected to continue well into the night.
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Piecelat Acquires KFL's Aeros

KILIMANLEGO-Legoland's dairy giant, Piecelat, has thrown itself into the international football waters by acquiring newly established Kilimanlego Football League club Aeros. With the acquisition, Piecelat continues its relationship with KFL headfig Jon Voi.
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"Two-tier" SuperLeague criticised by consulting firm

LEGOLAND CITY-The contrasting fortunes of a number of SuperLeague clubs this weekend underlines the growing disparity between football's "haves" and "have-nots" according to a report produced for the Ministry of Games and released to the public. The paper was commissioned by Minister Stuntley Errons and produced by PricewoodhousePieces. Full Story | More Football news

Legoland United land Serie A title

LEGOLAND CITY-Fans of Legoland United celebrated their team's fourth Serie A title triumph today after victory over Fiorentina was accompanied by defeat for second placed Legoland FC. Despite resting a number of key players ahead of important upcoming Super 16 and LFA Cup games, Legoland United's players put on a master-class performance. Full Story

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February 2010

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Greentown miracle continues with victory over Parma

GREENTOWN-Greentown Athletic's astonishing return to form continued this afternoon with a valuable 3 points picked up away to Parma. Christian Zaccardo, on loan from Legoland United, headed home the winner 19 minutes from time to secure his temporary club's fourth straight win and stretch the club's unbeaten run to 9 games. Full Story

United accused of conspiring with wizards

LEGOLAND CITY-Reigning Serie A champions Legoland United have once again been accused of using witchcraft by the president of Legoland FC, Francesco Pedone. Speaking to journalists at LFC Park, the clubs' training ground, Pedone accused his counterpart at Legoland United of "consulting wizards to engage in black magic". Full Story

Cartel claim Legoland Derby victory

LEGOLAND CITY-A goal from Raul at the end of an entertaining first half of football was enough to hand Legoland FC a hard-fought victory over arch enemies Legoland United in the capital this afternoon. An air of malevolence descended upon the city as the Empire's two most prestigious sides clashed at the Partizan in front of a huge crowd, the majority of which were to leave the terraces at the end of the game in jubilant mood. Full Story

Greentown miracle continues with victory over Parma

GREENTOWN-Greentown Athletic's astonishing return to form continued this afternoon with a valuable 3 points picked up away to Parma. Christian Zaccardo, on loan from Legoland United, headed home the winner 19 minutes from time to secure his temporary club's fourth straight win and stretch the club's unbeaten run to 9 games. Full Story

United accused of conspiring with wizards

LEGOLAND CITY-Reigning Serie A champions Legoland United have once again been accused of using witchcraft by the president of Legoland FC, Francesco Pedone. Speaking to journalists at LFC Park, the clubs' training ground, Pedone accused his counterpart at Legoland United of "consulting wizards to engage in black magic". Full Story

Old Rule break transfer rules to unveal Kaka

LEGOLAND CITY-Legoland FC have unvealed Gardinian international superstar Kaka has their latest "Galactico" at an impromptu press conference held in the capital today. The player has joined from Albern in a deal thought to be worth €30m to the ND Land giants but the move has angered many as it comes nearly 42 hours after the January transfer window formally shut at midnight on Sunday. Full Story

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January 2010

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New ground capacities announced by LFA taskforce

LEGOLAND CITY-The Legoland Football Association taskforce setup to review the seating capacities of sports grounds throughout the empire has issued its draft report to the football authority. The report recommends huge reductions across the board. The lowering of stadium capacities is just part of the ongoing "Legoisation" programme instigated by LFA President Mr Fifa. Full Story

Juventus thumped 6-1 at home by super LFC

NIRUT-Legoland FC have done the double over Juventus in this season's Imperial Derby showdown after trouncing the Emperor's club 6-1 today at the Olympic Stadium. With the Cartel's veteran midfielder Jerome Leroy in scintillating form, LFC grasped control of the tie right from the offset and had the Black & Whites well beaten by the 16th minute having gone 3-0 up with goals from Leroy, Frank Lampard and Ashley Cole. Full Story

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November 2009

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LFC threaten NDFA with legal action

LEGOLAND CITY-Legoland FC have announced that they will "not be ripped-off" by the ND Land Football Association in their bid for disgraced footballer Thierry Henry after it emerged on Wednesday that the bumbling organisation was looking for LFC to pay any compensation package with Henry's previous employers, Shrewsbury. Full Story

Legoland clubs dominate inaugural Super 16

The Legoland SuperLeague's three representatives in this season's Super 16 Conference, Legoland United, Legoland FC and Ajax Skerries have tonight sealed their passage into the competition's knock-out stages. All three topped their respective group with some ease. Full Story

Le Frog banned for life from ND Land football

The ND Land Football Association have confirmed their decision to ban ND Land international Thierry Henry for life from both the ND Land Primera Liga and the ND Land national team, a decision which may well result in the premature end of the players' career. Full Story

Amavisca fired by LFC after third loss on the trot

Legoland FC head coach Jose Emilio Amavisca has been unceremoniously booted out of the club this evening after another loss in Serie A sparked violent protests amongst supporters of the team. A 23rd minute goal from Lion Lakers' Raffaele Palladino left LFC 12 points behind league leaders Roma and any hopes of a title challenge this season in serious doubt. Full Story

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October 2009

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"I'm not corrupt" claims corrupt Mr Fifa

Legoland Football Association president Mr Fifa has denied being corrupt after announcing that the LFA Cup format is to be changed after consultation with a number of Serie A clubs. Cutting short a press conference after a less than warm reception by the press, the under-fire minifig departed LFA HQ being hounded by the paparazzi. Full Story

Legoland FC record biggest ever Derby win at San Siro

An empathic first half display has handed the opening Classic of the season to the Cartel and perhaps ended the crisis which had engulfed the club. Having failed to win in any of their previous four league games, Legoland FC’s dramatic victory over an in-form Legoland United has moved the club to within just 4 points of United and 8 points behind league leaders Lion Lakers. Full Story

12 police officers injured in clashes with fans

The Empire Police have confirmed that 12 officers were injured, 3 seriously, during disturbances in the north side of the capital ahead of this afternoon's Legoland Derby clash at the San Siro. Head of the police forces, Mr Biggus Piggus, labelled those involved in the trouble as "troublemakers" who were "intent on making trouble". Full Story

LFC hand Amavisca vacant managerial position

Legoland FC have unvealed José Emilio Amavisca as their new head coach filling the position made vacant by Saturday's dismissal of Patrice Loko. The appointment of Amavisca, who featured in the LFC teams of the 1990s, primarily on the substitute's bench, was a surprise to many pundits as he posesses no previous managerial experience. Full Story

Legoland FC sack Loko after capitulation in capital

LFC manager Patrice Loko has been shown the door this afternoon following the Cartel’s shock home loss to minnows Stuart Spacers. The red minifigs from space landed at the Partizan stadium and caused what is likely to be one of the biggest upsets this season. With the sides scoreless and a minute remaining in the clock, Spacers’ midfielder Massimo Mutarelli rose and headed home the winner, securing 3 precious points for his side and Loko’s fate. Full Story

Clash with PBR Brewers "biggest in club's history"

Ajax Skerries owner Mr Creakyus Timberus has expressed his view that Monday's Super 16 Conference meeting with PBR champions PBR Brewers is the Helmet's biggest game in the clubs' 15 year history. "A win will propel us to the next level opening up untapped financial revenue streams. The new income should allow us compete with the big boys" he said. Full Story

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September 2009

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New 1,500 capacity San Siro "nearly complete"

The LFA have today released the first official photographs of the renovated San Siro stadium, a ground they have labeled the "true home of Lego football". Salivating over the images, a smug association president Mr Fifa beamed whilst bathing in the spotlight of the national press. Indeed it is widely acknowledged that the lard ass has claimed one of the biggest victories in his career. Full Story

LFC boss Loko survives vote of no confidence

Legoland FC's underfire coach Patrice Loko has narrowly survived a vote of no confidence motion brought by a number of disgruntled club directors and it has been confirmed he will still be in charge of the Old Rule giants for Saturday's visit of Stuart Spacers to the Partizan. Full Story

Emperor orders rethink over "pea-brained" stadium plans

Emperor David has publically hit out at LFA president, Mr Fifa, calling his plans for the destruction of the nation's Olympic Stadium as "totally pea-brained". Speaking on RTL's prime time current affairs programme, Figline, the Legoland ruler described the infamous blue suit wearing minifig as "the only great white elephant in town". Full Story

Football Association sanction stadium demolition

Labeling Legoland's Olympic Stadium as a "great white elephant", LFA president Mr Fifa has this morning confirmed that the arena will be torn down and replaced by a "less in-your-face" structure. Speaking before leaving on yet another skiing holiday, the general lard ass described the doomed ground as "an historic place but one not liked by the average minifig on the street". Full Story

Loko faces the chop as LFC stumble yet again

Legoland FC fans jeered head coach Patrice Loko off the field this evening following their surprise 2-0 loss to Atlas Bell at Bell Park, a second consecutive defeat for the Old Rule. Following the final whistle, Loko was slammed by reporters at the post-matchpress conference and accused of "tactical incompetence" and "a schoolfig understanding of the game". Full Story

Spacers and Cartel brought back down to earth

Stuart Spacers’ and LFC’s great start to the Serie A season came to an abrupt end today with defeats to Legoland United and Roma respectively. The Spacers, having enjoyed 2 shock wins over Lazio and Inter in the opening 2 rounds, were routed at the San Siro by a resurgent Legoland United. The champions finally got the fight to retain their title off the ground seeing home 5 goals. Full Story

LFC smash world record fee to land superstar

Legoland FC have stunned the nation this morning with the announcement that they have broken the world record football transfer by splashing out a reported £60m on a single minifig. Unveiling Franck Ribéry, one of Serie A's top performers over the last few seasons to the media, LFC's president spoke of his delight at securing the move. Full Story

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August 2009

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Is this little piggy off to market?

Rumours circulating in ND Land suggest a leading local company will attempt to put together an offer for a Legoland Serie A club. The full details have not been disclosed, but according to NTV, what has been learned is that it is a "Legoland club as opposed to a 'real' club". The reports postulate that the team in question has been kept under wraps due to fears. Full Story

Sorry Legoland Town hit for 7

Legoland FC have stormed to the top of the Serie A after a 7-2 trouncing of Legoland Town at the Partizan, the Old Rule's biggest ever opening day win. Last season's runners-up hit the front in the 12th minute through a powerful Cristiano Ronaldo freekick and were 3-0 up by the half-time interval thanks to a brace from Benoit Le Bris and Raul. Full Story

LFC land their minifig without spending a penny

After months of chasing what appeared to be a lost cause, the signature of ND Land's Cristiano Ronaldo, Legoland FC shocked everyone announcing the capture of the minifig at 11:10 this morning. The deal was finally struck after LFC tabled two different offers to the ND Land giants, both involving swapping players. Full Story

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July 2009

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LFC seriously pissed off after record bid is rebuffed

The board of LFC have reacted angrily to ND Land FC's rejection of a world record bid for star midfielder Cristiano Ronaldo and have labelled the ND Land giants "difficult monkeys", language that could see the Legoland side land in hot water with the football authorities yet again. Speaking to the press, recently appointed president Francesco Pedone said that ND Land FC were only rejecting the bid because it was from LFC. Full Story

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June 2009

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Coach of ND Land giants blames "foolish draws"

ND Land FC manager Zdeněk Zeman has declared that the title race will be closer next season and blamed Jurgen Klinsmann's incredible run of draws as the reason why they failed to lift the ND Land league title last term. ND Land's largest club-side drew 10 of their opening 14 games in the 2008/9 campaign leaving them in 15th place, way behind the leaders and eventual winners Albern. Full Story

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May 2009

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Relentless Reds secure historic treble

The Legoland United juggernaut marched onwards today with an awe-inspiring display of attacking football at the King David Stadium securing a second consecutive LFA Cup title for the Reds. The 2-1 win over Roma saw United become the first ever club to pull off the domestic treble, having already won the Derby Cup and Serie A title. Full Story

LFC handed down heavy fine for Amrap riot

The LFA have fined LFC £1m for trouble caused by supporters of the capital side in Amrap on the final day of last season. Following LFC's loss to Parma on May 16th hundreds of angry minifigs rampaged through the Amrap causing significant damage to commericial properties in the business district. Full Story

Reds part like it's 1999

Legoland United have lifted the Serie A title today after a dazzling 4-1 victory over a deplorable Celebs side at the San Siro stadium in the capital. The triumph, which guaranteed the club the league crown for the first time since 1999, was fittingly secured by their most famous of players, the disabled striking trio of Leper, Christy, and Cripple. Full Story

"Failing to win the league is not the end of the world"

Under fire Legoland FC boss and crazy ND Lander, Patrice Loko, has potentially hammered the final nail into his own managerial coffin after inexplicably asserting that "failing to win the league is not the end of the world". Speaking to reporters ahead of tomorrow’s meeting with Parma, the deranged minifig claimed that his record was exemplary, having “only” lost twice since taking over the reigns from Sir Alex Ferguson in February. Full Story

San Siro sold out ahead of title decider

Legoland United have confirmed that the San Siro will be a sell-out for tomorrow’s crunch SuperLeague showdown with the Celebs. A victory for the Reds will hand the football powerhouse their third title and potentially set the club up for an historic treble as they have already won this season’s Derby Cup and have booked their place in the LFA Cup final. Full Story

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