Legoland FC's president Gheorghe Hagi has announced that he will retire from the post in June once the Serie A season has "been won". The former LFC midfielder became the club's first ever president at the Partizan club in March 2008 when he was appointed top 'fig by the board of directors. "I have enjoyed my time at the helm but I feel I want to get back into day-to-day football management and so with a heavy and humble heart I have decided that I will hand over duties to another able bodied and lucky minifig. I want to thank the board for their fate in me over my tenure and I trust they deem me a success as it was I who made the wise managerial appointments that won the league. I am sure we will win the league this season too as I am still club president."

Before announcing his career plans, Hagi unveiled the Cartel's new coach, their fourth this season, in crazy ND Land minifig Patrice Loko. Loko, who suffered from mental problems during his spell at ND Land FC in the 1990s, will takeover from Marco Van Basten who was shown the door on Saturday. Wearing glasses, a fake moustache and looking decidedly pale, Loko kick-started his managerial career by saying that he was looking forward to his new job. "I come from a land beyond the great hills of the horizon, far away where 'figs play Easter eggs on the radio. I'm looking forward to my new job. Ever since I was a little 'fig I dreamed of being a DJ."

Meanwhile, in ND Land, the slamming has once again started as Gardinia East owner and refugee billionaire Mrs Sega has called the LFC board a "shameless bunch of moronic troglodytes" after the club sacked coach Marco Van Basten after just 5 games in charge, despite the fact that he remained unbeaten throughout the short spell. Mrs Sega, who has herself fired three coaches this season and is expected to fire a fourth soon, stated, "when Gardinia East make a decision to fire a manager, it is done in the best interests of the club and due to the manager's poor results, not as a publicity stunt like those Legolanders."

She went on to use a racist term which may land her in hot water before adding that Hagi "should be long dead" and then referring to him as the "golden arse". An angry Mrs Sega finished by stating that the club will sell a number of stars in the summer in order to address the financial difficulties facing the club; "We must sell players in the summer to relieve some debts. Unfortunately this may mean a slump in form in the coming seasons, but it will be done to secure the future of the club." Gardinia East were not allowed to purchase anyone during the January transfer window due to their significant debt.

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