Emperor David visited the Castleland capital today to meet with regional leader Lord Colossus Denarius in an attempt to reduce escalating tensions between the central government and the autonomous province. The Castleland governor was furious at the latest comments emanating from the often candid Chief Collector General of the Empire's Customs, Mr Biggus Dickus. Mr Dickus told national television that Castleland was “living in the dark ages” and Lord Denarius was “not doing enough to take steps towards modernisation”. Adding insult to injury, Dickus accused the “average Castlelander” of “wilfully harbouring religious fanatics” and “wanting to send the Legoland Empire back to the 1100s”.

Hitting back at Mr Dickus, Lord Denarius said that being of “pirate stock, Mr Dickus is himself living in the past and would wish to see us all living at sea, wielding cutlasses, talking to parrots and firing cannons at anything that moves like they did in the 1700s”.

Sporting a new hat given as a tribute by nomadic tribes, Lord Denarius briefly spoke to reporters from the local Castle Clan newspaper after meeting the Emperor. Lord Denarius thanked the Emperor for reducing the anxiety he and many other Castlelanders have when they look to the East and the industrialised world. “We like things here the way they are, we don’t need modern technology but that doesn’t mean we are behind. In fact, as we don’t drive cars we are way ahead in the arena of environment protection”.

Lord Denarius also denied areas of Castleland were havens for fundamentalist religious and political movements such as the Legoban and Al-Kyeda. “You won’t find any of these groups in Castleland, they are more likely to be elsewhere. In saying that however, my armed cohorts actively search and destroy any opponents to my regime or to the state of Legoland.”

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