14 September 2009

Emperor David has publically hit out at LFA president, Mr Fifa, calling his plans for the destruction of the nation's Olympic Stadium as "totally pea-brained". Speaking on RTL's prime time current affairs programme, Figline, the Legoland ruler described the infamous blue suit wearing minifig as "the only great white elephant in town". The remark, although accurate, was no doubt meant to be an insult coming just 2 days after Mr Fifa's labeling of the Olympic Stadium as a "great white elephant, an elephant destined to meet its maker".

"While Mr Fifa is away on his umpteenth skiing sojourn, others are working hard in the interests of developing the fabric of our society, not tearing it apart", the Emperor explained to Figline presenter Ms Melodious Viscus. "What's clear is that the problems with the stadium Mr Fifa mentioned on Saturday are fixable by simpling improving the current structure rather than tearing it down. Mr Fifa's desire to reinvent the wheel would be a huge waste of taxpayers' money and therefore not a move I will allow".

The Olympic Stadium is located to the east of Legoland City. Its location has come in for criticism from many fans who deem it too far from the capital's centre and a real "pain in the backstud" to get to on match days. The original plans for the 2,000 capacity ground included it being located in the city's old docklands area and indeed construction began there in earnest in September 2008 only for it to be halted half-way through after engineers determined that the site was in fact not large enough.

The Emperor went on to explained what he thought should be done. "The capacity of the arena needs to be reduced by about 40%. This should enable the stadium not exceed the height limitations. The exterior of the ground needs to be developed. Turstiles installed, ticket offices, TV rooms, public services. The improvements should remove its so-called 'ugly' tag and result in the ground becoming a symbol of the Empire, one in which all minifigs can be proud of."

Mr Armchairus Fanus, Sports correspondent

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