10 October 2009

LEGOLAND CITY-The Empire Police have confirmed that 12 officers were injured, 3 seriously, during disturbances in the north side of the capital ahead of this afternoon's Legoland Derby clash at the San Siro. Head of the police forces, Mr Biggus Piggus, labelled those involved in the trouble as "troublemakers" who were "intent on making trouble". An angry Mr Piggus told the Minifig Times that as tear-gas was clearly no deterrent anymore, live rounds should be used in future. "I will personally request the government permit the Empire Police to shoot live rounds at such troublemakers. It is the only way to finally put an end to this behaviour as we don't have the space to lock them all up".

The serious shortage in prison capacity throughout Legoland made the news earlier this week when the Department of Justice ordered the release of all "second-degree criminalfigs" on what it termed "compassionate grounds". Yet most observers have commented that the move was made to free up some 48 spaces for the expected wave of new inmates resulting from anticipated violence at today's Legoland Derby.

Some minifig rights groups have called on the state to build new modern prison facilities to put an end to what they term "severe overcrowding" and the "intolerable conditions" in existing prisons. Such organisations point to the fact that the majority of Legoland's prisons are located in Castleland and many of the cells are "cold damp dungeons, hundreds of years old, with no heating, electric lighting or running water".

Mr Fabricatus Evidencus, Crime correspondent

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