12 November 2009

FIGLAND-Legoland fighter jets have pounded Legoban positions throughout south eastern Castleland’s Basicstand Pass this evening with reports of dozens of civilians killed. Air raids were carried out on villages suspected of harbouring rebels or of being generally supportive of the insurgency.

In the Castleland capital of Ancient Rome, Minister for the Interior Mr Devious the Nucleus said he did not care about civilian casualties. “Does it look like my problem? Do I give a hoot? Let me make it clear, no I don’t”. His attitude didn’t go down well though in the city with riots breaking out in the Forum. Local news outlet the Castle Clan called the minister’s remarks “alarming, irresponsible and inflammatory”. “When Castlefigs already feel like second class citizens to Townfigs, Nucleus’ comments do not help change this opinion”.

Head of the Air Corp, Lieutenant General Biggus Calamitous gave a press conference later claiming that the LAC would never target civilians. “My aeroplanes are piloted by courageous minifigs with morals. If any innocent civilians have been killed in the air strikes, we firmly apologise to them. Their deaths were not our intention”.

At government headquarters, the White House parliament convened another emergency meeting with members of all political parties present. Politicians debated the pros and cons of sending ground troops into the remoter areas of Figland yet it appears the army is gearing up for a major offensive whether or not the politicians give the go ahead. “This is our ballpark” said Minister for Defence, Mr Chemicalus Answerus.

Mr Incorruptus Informus, Political correspondent

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